AN ABSENT FRIEND: COPING WITH THE LOSS OF A PET

THE HUMAN-ANIMAL BOND

The human-animal bond is a term that is used throughout the world and is described as ‘a continuous two-way relationship between a human and an animal that brings significant benefit to a central aspect of the lives of each’. This is in some sense voluntary in which each party treats the other as an object of admiration, trust, devotion or love. This is reflected in the substitution of ‘pet animal’ to ‘companion animal’ in recent years.

In my experience there is no stronger example of this bond than in the number of therapeutic animals that exist from guide dogs for the blind, to hearing dogs for the deaf and riding for the disabled The simple act of stroking an animal can improve a persons well-being and recovery from illness evidenced from studies of ‘pat dogs’ in hospitals.

Pets also benefit us by stabilizing our lives, acting as ‘icebreakers’ in social situations, providing leisure activities as well as emotional support.

Alan Beck wrote that it is the loving devotion, the soft touch, the constant companionship, the attentive eye, and the uncritical ear of the pet that is so attractive to many of us. Pets are uncritically accepting, give love completely and openly, and are loyal at all times under all circumstances.

PET DEATH

Pet death is an inevitable part of ownership because of their relatively short lifespan but may be one of our most significant losses due to strength of the human-animal bond and the disruption to their lives. A harrowing part of the process often involves A decision about euthanasia, literally meaning a ‘good death’. Vets are morally and ethically obligated to put an end to an animals suffering and pain when quality of life has fallen below an acceptable level. Planning a pet’s death (as a member of the family) is a harrowing decision for both vet and owner and one that is often made in a short period of time. Secondary disruption, the loss of enjoyable past times such as walking the dog, unanswered questions about the cause of the illness and sometimes loss of a link to special people now departed add to the grief.

THE GRIEVING PROCESS

Initially, feelings of shock and denial or sometimes anger are felt, followed by emotional pain and suffering which can last a long time before one comes to terms the death of a companion.

The recovery process is different in every case but often does not start until the grief is freely expressed. The following poem stimulates helpful feelings when grieving.

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain does keep me from my sleep
Then will you do what must be done
For this – the last battle – can’t be won

You will be sad I understand
But don’t let grief stay your hand
For on this day, more than the rest
Your love and friendship must stand the test

We have had so many happy years,
You would not want me to suffer so
When the time comes please let me go.

Take me to where my needs they’ll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end.
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time you will agree,
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved
From pain and suffering I have been saved.

Don’t grieve that it must now be you,
Who has to decide this thing to do.
We’ve been so close – we two – these years
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.